06 Jan The Gift of My Dreams: How My Rainbow Baby Inspired a Book for Children
Dr. Carlotta Penn recently released her first children’s book, weaving both personal loss and dreams realized into a story that inspires. Enjoy her story with me. . .
Sometime around 2005, I wrote the lyrics to Rainbows, a song about the magical, colorful nature of love. Nothing much ever came of the song—I performed it with then-band members a couple of times and sang it around the house, and that was that. Nearly ten years later, deeply fallen in love, my husband and I were ready to have children. I got pregnant quickly, and just as fast, before surprise subsided, I miscarried at 8 weeks. The miscarriage was physically painful and emotionally jarring. In a search for answers (to the nagging worry—why did this happen to me?), I found that roughly 20% of pregnancies end in loss, mostly during the first trimester, and that the vast majority of women go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies. Okay, I thought, everything is going to be all right. Later that year, I discovered with delight that I was pregnant again—with TWINS! My husband and I were thrilled and felt a special sense of being chosen to experience undeserved luck—A double bundle of joys!
I was nervous though, that I might miscarry again, and couldn’t relax throughout the first trimester—I tried to be as inactive and careful as possible. Don’t eat this, don’t do that, stop thinking those things! If I could just keep my babies safe for about 12 weeks, we would all be good to go (and grow). So at 12 weeks, when we saw them swimming around on the ultrasound, and everything checked out, I relaxed. I started working out again, making lists of baby names, and settled into the great expectation of being a mom of two. At 15 weeks, I felt the babies swirl, and was thrilled. It was magical, colorful. It was love.
One week later, my water broke in the middle of the night. We rushed to the emergency room, and within 48 hours, I delivered my twin boys. It was devastating, dark, confusing. After all, I was a physically fit, healthy-eating, non-smoker—none of the health cautions discussed at prenatal visits applied to me—and yet, I lost my babies. I was so very sad. I felt that my body was unfit to carry healthy babies into this world. At the same time, I had faith, and was determined to experience the joy of motherhood. Following a series of tests and small medical procedures, doctors advised that we could try again, and within months I found another baby in the belly!
After my first miscarriage, I had turned to the Internet to find company in mom groups and blogs dedicated to women who were TTC (trying to conceive) with varied luck. Through this research, I learned the concept of the Rainbow Baby—a child born alive after pregnancy or infant loss. So, during my 3rd pregnancy, I revised that old Rainbows song with an emphasis on the beautiful colors of the rainbow, and believing dreams come true. I sang it to calm my nerves, ignite my faith, and bond with my precious Rainbow Baby. On September 9th, 2016, Jember Dove was born. She is The Gift of My Dreams. Dream A Rainbow is my gift to her.
Beyond being significant to my own life, Dream A Rainbow is important on a grander scale because it features a young Black girl who explores the world with confidence and joy. In our society, where only about 20% (http://ccbc.education.wisc.edu/books/pcstats.asp#USonly) of children’s books feature multicultural content, it remains vital that writers, artists, and creatives (and particularly people of color) continue to fill the nation’s bookshelves with multicultural, socially conscious, and beautifully engaging children’s literature. I share with many authors the notion that I must write the books I want to read—in this case, I am writing the books I want my children, and all the children of the world, to relish, remember, and be inspired by.
Tell me, what is your dream?
Dream A Rainbow teaches children the colors of the rainbow and inspires them to believe in their dreams. On a stormy morning, Hana sees a rainbow and dreams of where it might take her. She slides into a fantastical adventure to Ethiopia, where she plays with friends and beautiful animals. When she returns home to bed, she is sure—dreams really do come true!
amazon.com/author/carlottapenn
Carlotta Penn is an educator and daydreamer from Columbus, Ohio committed to advancing social justice in the world, especially as it relates to educational access, experiences, and outcomes. The soon-to-be mother of two is also the founder of Daydreamers Press.